Trail Camera Thief

11 Jan

Recently I had one of my trail cameras stolen from one of the properties I hunt. It was about 70-100 yards from the landowners house. Here’s the note I am writing to the individual who stole that camera…

The below clip is how I felt when I realized my trail camera had been stolen.



Dear Trail Camera Thief,

I hope your 2016 is off to a good start, it should be, you got one hell of a deal on a trail camera. I believe you have something that belongs to me. As you may or may not know, I love hunting deer. Placing trail cameras in the woods allows me to pattern the deer that live on the property that you do not have permission to hunt on, let alone be on. So not only are you a thief, you are also a trespasser. Both of which are crimes.

I may not know who you are specifically, but I know your type. You are the kind of person who doesn’t know the meaning of “hard work”. You have probably lied, cheated, and have stolen your entire life and think it’s acceptable behavior. I take it you didn’t have permission on the property and had an “Oh S***” moment when you realized you walked right in front of my trail camera. You then debated on what to do. “Do I just steal the SD card, or should I take entire camera because I am so stupid I don’t know how to eject the SD card from the camera?” Or worse yet, you are just a low-down dirty scum of a human who decided to straight up steal the camera once you laid eyes on it. If possible could you do me a favor and send me some of the pictures that were on the SD card? I would love to see what was making all of those scrapes.

Anyway… I hope it continues to work as good for you as it did for me. I hope you get some awesome pictures of some world class bucks. Just remember to have the camera facing north or south to prevent sun flares in your pictures.

Who am I kidding… I hope the camera malfunctions and you end up throwing it away. I hope while you are walking in to the woods to set it up, you trip and land directly on the camera causing extensive damage to your anus. I hope that someone steals it from you. I hope that you read this article and you get a change of heart and put the camera back where you found it, or email me and apologize. Last but not least, I hope you get a mixture of poison ivy, poison oak, and  poison sumac on your genitals this summer.

With love,
Dan Johnson


7 Responses to “Trail Camera Thief”

  1. Scott Clarke January 11, 2016 at 1:59 pm #

    I think it’s too subtle. The idiot who took your camera won’t understand the message. I’m in the process of camouflaging my cameras to avoid people from even seeing them. I’ve also had great luck hanging them up high and angling them down with a homemade bracket(pic n stoic would work too) Can’t reach them without a climbing stick. Maybe your camera will magically reappear like your last ones did.

    • Dan Johnson January 11, 2016 at 2:12 pm #

      Yeah, I have to keep it clean or FB would let me post the article…

  2. Shawn P. January 11, 2016 at 2:43 pm #

    All I can do is slow clap. I think you’re right when you said he was somewhere he wasn’t supposed to be and he swiped the camera to cover his tracks. Its unfortunate that it’s so expensive to embed a tracking chip in our cameras. The look on the smucks face when a pissed of Dan is standing on his porch would be priceless.

  3. Andy Esqueda January 11, 2016 at 4:43 pm #

    Went through a couple cameras this way. So very frustrating first that someone stole it from a place they were not supposed to be but now the cost to replace it.

  4. Garrett January 11, 2016 at 10:03 pm #

    would’ve guessed you might have used newspaper don’t clippings to describe your hopes of his disembowlment but those anger management classes must be kicking in. 😉

  5. Ian Schrank February 14, 2016 at 7:19 pm #

    I’ve had a few stolen over the years. The first one that got stolen I actually got back. I had it set up on our neighbors small woodlot, went to check it on christmas day and it was gone. Boy was I mad. Luckily there was snow and I followed two sets of footprints to a house down the road. A lady answered the door and I asked her if she knew anything about a trail camera that may have made it’s way into her house but she didn’t know anything about it. I explained that I followed the tracks to her house but she still didn’t know anything. The next week I went back to hang another camera and there was my camera hanging from the tree with 10 dollar bills and an apology note written from one of the kids. I went back to the house to give the money back and to say thank you but she still denied that she knew anything. Sometimes people can do the right thing, although it is a rarity.

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